It's sometimes hard to believe that we are the ones disallowing our own desires.
Our health.
Our body results.
Our baby.
This can happen when you feel that you aren't worthy of what you want.
When I realized we were going to have trouble getting pregnant I felt so ASHAMED. So bad that Heath had to deal with ME and MY problems.
I felt like a burden. I felt like it was all my fault. Afterall, it was my body that didn't work right. It was my lack of ovulation and eggs.
It was MY fault we had to spend thousands and thousands and thousands of dollars.
And once I stopped pulsing on the vibe of "it's not working" and walked away from our fertility treatments, I came into the awareness that I got to heal.
First it was my physical body.
I cleansed away so many toxins.
I learned so much, I put better things in.
And then....Dalton came. not through me but to me, to us.
And I haven't talked much about this but when he came I was sooo excited, so happy, so on top of the world. But shortly after he came, I was RIDDEN with GUILT.
After all, I didn't EVEN HAVE TO WORK FOR HIM.
I felt that since I didn't carry him, I didn't suffer. In fact, my sister did all of that. Her body, her 9 months of being pregnant, her life.
I somehow discounted all the 8+ years of 'trying' to get pregnant, but EVEN IN THIS. Do you see?
That we think we need to rationalize our desires. That oh since I struggled like MOFO for 8 years that THEN I deserve my baby.
Nope. Not how it actually has to work.
But when my sister ran into health issues after Dalton, I felt so so badly. (this wasn't conscious completely by the way) I didn't know all of this or process it until awhile after.
And I realized it by my self-punishment. I wouldn't let myself have it so good. I wouldn't let myself fully enjoy Dalton or being a mom or having this beautiful family. And the best way I knew how to do this was to drink. To drink too much. And too often.
Drink enough that I would feel badly the next day. So dehydrated, so blah that I wouldn't MOVE FORWARD with my goals and dreams.
I let MY BODY SUFFER AFTER because I thought that's what I needed to feel.
Since she suffered, I needed to too. It was only "fair"
Says WHO?
Say's what kind of law or rule?
Says what kind of God?
That's not how the Universe works.
And I have to share this in case you feel like your results or desires are far away or hard to get.
Do you feel the need to suffer for them?
Do you feel you are wrong/bad/not enough to have them?
The TRUTH is:
>>You never had to do anything
>>You don't have to suffer
>>You are NEVER being punished
>>What you want wants you too
And you having what you want is SO VALUABLE to the expansion of the Universe.
Think about it, if I hadn't got Dalton, I couldn't tell you about how I healed. If I hadn't healed even more, I wouldn't have Dash.
I wouldn't say one word about fertility and food and chemicals and how you can do it too.
If you want your baby, your baby wants you.
Forgive yourself right now for any beliefs that say you can't have him or her.
Forgive yourself for thinking you are broken.
Forgive yourself for making it your fault.
Forgive. Forgive. Forgive.
Create SPACE for the truth.
Which is YOU ARE LOVED. You are ADORED. You are PURSUED by love and all you desire.
How you feel is everything. And it's what we dig into in creating our health.
Baby Body Ready is open, we start next week.
Sometimes it's not just eat this not that.
It's deeper.
It feels like a heart break.
We need to heal our hearts so we can heal our bodies.
