Is the Universe Using Food to teach you a life lesson?
So recently, and by recently I mean yesterday I realized I am a control freak. I always knew I was a perfectionist because when I was little I would shoo my mother out of the kitchen so that I could do the dishes “the right way” and I would refold the towels so they looked orderly and I would sleep with my sister in her bed so I didn’t mess up mine.
I would literally scream and cry if my mom made the bed the wrong way, it made my skin crawl. So let’s just say I am WAY more relaxed these days especially when it comes to house stuff, but here’s where this came up again and finally got my attention.
I’m doing some of Lacy Phillip’s UNBLOCK work, which by the way if you are not doing, go run right now (after you read this and change your subconscious mind and your life). So I’m reading The Dark Side of the Light Chasers which is all about uncovering your shadow side, and learning how I need to integrate my deep dark shadow side to be authentic so basically I”m here confessing to you all my shadows and secrets so that I can just say whatever I really think and be real with myself and you all too.
In the book one of the exercises is to have a few people really close to you tell you your top 3 best and worst qualities so I asked my dear mother. And this gets me thinking she forgot to tell me anything good, but oh well, so yesterday she told me I was controlling. And I was like hmmm ok, because I really want to know because I really want to be the best person and coach and human I can so it didn’t make me mad or anything but I had to LOOK at it to fully SEE what was happening.
So I took my shadow quality into my meditation and whoa nellie it was insane. So let’s just say this exercise you do when your subconsious personality traits take your hand and take you for a walk and tell you everything is REAL.
So they told me I am RIGID and RADICAL. Which I know that I am radical about food because it’s a freaking sh*t show what is going on in the food industry. So I am a radical truth teller and I don’t plan on changing but it also showed me that FOOD is one way that the Universe has been trying to get my attention for probably YEARS. Here’s why:
I think like most health coaches, you have some battle that relates to food that brings you deeply into it to transform. And this happened to me for sure with fertility but honestly it was way before that the struggle began.
I was not a super healthy girl in junior high and high school, in fact I used food to comfort myself because I was upset, misunderstood and in high school I didn’t know very many people because I transferred schools and was totally unpopular. It wasn’t until my junior year of college that I actually started doing the things that get you physical results. I might have told this story before but I did weight watchers with my mom and it worked, because I went from knowing NOTHING about food to counting POINTS. And someone in my little head I thought it would be a great idea to eat the LEAST amount possible every day to get the fastest results. So I ate mostly everything that was zero points and then used my other points (and didn’t even get to all of them probably because I was too busy drinking Diet Dr. Pepper) on sugary cereal. Go Jodi, good job, healthy diet.
But I lost weight. And then I became more popular. In fact I was on the homecoming court in college. And then it just progressed from there, becoming super into exercise, it was my ‘job’ anyways and I lived in the gym. But I was a control FREAK.
Ask my poor parents, if they wanted me to go anywhere or do anything I HAD to workout first or else I was a miserable person to be around. Grumpy as hell. And my workout that I had to do to feel GOOD ENOUGH was this: get ready I am telling you I was literally crazy.
Cardio: I had to run for at least 60 minutes and then do the cool down and then either walk for another 20 plus minutes or do the elliptical for at least 20 minutes. THEN i had to stretch and do some pilates exercises and then some days I also had to lift light free weights. #exhausting.
So I was the girl at the gym at 5am on a Saturday or Sunday so that I could still do my whole routine before I had clients or showered to go to church.
And then I finally saw how it was still happening now. I hate it when people are in my kitchen, I sometimes let people do the dishes now but before lord have mercy I would get so upset. I didn’t like people helping me do things, it had to be my way, load the dishwasher like this not that, wipe up that crumb, no you can’t put that color towel in that basket, why aren’t the blinds shut, why are the blinds open, don’t get the seat of my car dirty, and I couldn’t literally do mostly anything if something was too messy and bothering me.
I still have been jumping around book to book to book to cleanse to supplement to eating all fruits and veggies (thanks Medical Medium #fail) to intermittent fasting (I am NOT for this that’s for another day though), to almost not making time to eat until 1 or 2pm because of my ‘routines’ and wondering all the while why my body is slightly angry at me and not doing what I want?!?
Because honestly ever since IVF I haven’t felt the same (except for a few occasions so keep reading) and I learned the toxins and GMO and pesticide part of that lesson, I learned the it’s a really good idea to eat fruit part of that lesson, and I learned that a baby comes when it’s ready part of the lesson. But I never learned the control part.
I am not in control. I cannot control. And OMG I do not WANT to TRY to control this anymore. I still wasn’t realizing how nearly every time I encountered food there were way too many voices running through my head:
Should I put a banana in this smoothie? This book says yes, that book says no.
Should I have hummus or just guacamole?
I feel like eating skinny pop, will I totally feed the bad bacteria in my gut if I do?
Will I never be able to have a glass of wine?
Is protein better to only eat at night?
UGH UGH make it stop.
And I’ve been attracting mirrors of this all over the place and not seeing it until yesterday. Stop it. Get a grip. Let food be food. Because for me, cooking and creating recipes is so fun, and the times in my life that have felt the EASIEST, and my body was RESPONSIVE meaning, I didn’t hold onto extra weight, bloating, or skin issues, here’s what I was doing:
I HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.
Because I wasn’t focused on it like a crazy woman. I was just being me, living life, having fun, eating good food. At this point in my life, it’s not work or hard or anything difficult to eat healthy foods, I love it and crave it. But this control factor still wasn’t letting up and that’s what I see with SO many people and it’s not the food at that point. I just couldn’t still see how I was doing it with myself.
So this sort of reinforces a video I did a few weeks ago about how I really can’t tell you how to eat. Because your body knows, you know and maybe, perhaps the Universe is trying to tell you that you know and to stop looking at every book, blog and Instagram story for the secret about how that skinny girl looks the way she does.
And what can you do if you find yourself in this boat?
Well one thing I learned from Lacy is that the Universe will use your ‘thing’ to get your attention. Imagine this as your older brother or sister or that annoying kid in class that just knows your trigger, or like for me, my husband thinks it’s hilarious to joke about buying an RV and taking me camping (NOT going to happen, please take me to the Ritz ASAP). If your body, body image, health is your ‘thing’ then maybe if it’s not going anywhere it’s time to step back and look at what else is going on here beyond your smoothie, juice, chicken and broccoli or salmon salad.
LOOK FOR YOUR LESSON. WHAT ARE YOU NOT SEEING AND WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY BE BLESSED WITH FROM THIS?
I betcha there’s a beautiful lesson. It’s where the growth happens and where the light comes in. Because when I let go of control, I become the happiest girl in her kitchen, just playing with food, appreciating it’s nutrients, fuel and having so much fun just creating. Recipes, menus, desserts, and what to make to have friends over.
So Universe. Thank you. You got my attention. I am done with the striving for perfection. (of course I am now aware and I will be doing my best to also not be perfectionist about not being perfectionist) lol. AND it really fits perfectly, as it actually always works, doesn’t it? Because all I have really wanted to do for the longest time is to cook, and create and write a cookbook. So I’m embracing it, and opening up my first online cooking course: Food Rebel EATS this August.
Where I’ll be showing you how I learned to cook real, healthy foods, that are honestly so delicious and life giving and give you a feeling of health and well being that just will not be hard for you either. Once you experience the feeling of true vitality those sodas, cookies, cake or beers just WILL NOT have the same appeal. Trust me.
All the details for Food Rebel EATS are here, check it out, you can sign up now and start prepping your kitchen and cutting out the easiest ingredients and foods that even doing THIS will create room for great change and feelings of ease in your body.
So now in my kitchen:
If my husband wants to cook the salmon a certain way, ok. (I actually let him last night!)
If my mother wants to do my dishes, thank you.
If Dalton throws pickles on the floor and sits on bananas, oh well.
Am I fully changed? No I mean don’t even try to set your purse on my counter can you say germs and bathroom floor grossness?
But I SEE IT. I feel it. And this awareness feels like freedom, finally. Finally. And it came with love from my mother who I love and had to put up with me for years. So thanks mom. I think I actually got it this time.
Go meditate and look for your lesson.
xo,
Jodi