I'm allergic to alcohol

ohhhh you guuuyysssss!!!!

I'm not sure even where to start with this one. But let's talk about sensitivity. Sensitivity on all levels. Foods, body, emotions, feelings. 

In the past years, as I've changed my diet more and more and more to be fully full of foods I love, organic everything, juices, smoothies, supplements, etc I have noticed changes with what I am drawn to, what I desire, how I feel when I eat certain things, just really AWARE is a good word, a good way of saying this. 

Too much cauliflower or broccoli? AWARE. FULL> TOO FULL. I love my veggies so much, but sometimes a few pounds is overdoing it in one sitting!

Not enough water? Dry skin, lethargic, sugar cravings.

Anything with corn? Popcorn, tortilla chips? ahhhhh NO. bad bad for my gut.

And not just with food, but in the past year I have gotten deeper into my meditation, my inner work, my challenging of old beliefs and a lot has changed. I mean hello we have Dalton now :) 

Before Dalton was born, I quit drinking fully, I went way into my journal, meditating, and visualizing to prepare myself for HIM and that MOMENT when I finally would hold my own baby in my own arms after so many years of waiting. And I felt better than EVER.

My workouts were way better.

I was running faster.

I was sweating more.

I was hydrated.

My skin started to glow.

My complexion was clearer.

I felt lighter and slimmer.

I felt BETTER (duh)

I was HAPPIER

And before all of this? 

Well that's the story. I never drank a sip of alcohol until I was 21 years old, and on my birthday, my mom drove to my college and we went to the grocery store and bought wine coolers! It was super low key and I drank one, the end.

But it opened up a gateway to more. My junior and senior year I was drinking a lot with my girlfriends, going to parties on campus (even though they were illegal because I was in Pella, Iowa a very strict Dutch town where you couldn't even mow the lawn on a Sunday).

Maybe all that was rebellion, and rebellion against so many years of being told everything was black and white, right or wrong. I went to private school through 8th grade and was sort of taught to live in fear of what might happen if you did a 'bad' thing.

After college, moved home, started to work, didn't drink, made some friends went out here and there, I clearly remember NEVER drinking on the weekdays, and only 1 night per week at the very most. 

When all the stuff started to happen with fertility issues, I was in such a bad place mentally, from just not understanding what my body was doing or not doing, the sense of missing out, of not being good enough to even get pregnant, to all the drugs and shots and just NOT LIKING the way things were that wine became my friend to help me tune out, not see it, not think about it, not feel anything.

But it led to me feeling like crap. Big time. So much crap, so dehydrated, so tired, so yuck, bloated, and really ugly inside and out. I missed out on so much life because I felt sick.

So many people drink after work, at girl's night, at dinners just because....it became too NORMAL. And I got swept in, and it became too normal for me. 

Only, my body can't handle it. My body is sensitive. And the more you release negative energies, beliefs, patterns, thoughts, toxins, chemicals, junk food, the more you SEE, FEEL and are AWARE of it all. I mean I can't eat corn chips without feeling it.

And you know what? I'm SO GRATEFUL that I know and hear my body and my cells talking to me.

So green juice in the morning and white wine at night do NOT make good friends. It's a joke really. And in the past few months I cut it all out again, until just this past week. AND:

I'm allergic to alcohol

I literally am. I had less than 2 glasses of wine: sicker than a dog

Tried my own version of skinny margaritas: sicker than a dog

And last night, I tried a vodka soda with lime and THEN wine (organic even....doesn't matter AT ALL) and today I felt like shit. So horrible, I missed the entire day laying in bed in the dark, only feeling ok enough now to be in the light, to look at a screen and write this. 

Here's the thing. I know I'm not meant to drink alcohol. I have that knowing in my entire body. I was told it in my dream, in my meditation, and there is just no way that it works for me. 

So why did I keep trying to have it? To fit that picture of healthy and fun? This is what I know:

I believe alcohol is super horrible for you and damaging, that it pickles your brain, dehydrates the hell out of you and is toxic to your cells.

I believe that our cells are instantly affected and have to alter their state of being and vibration in order to survive with us doing that thing called drinking alcohol.

I believe our livers cry with every sip.

I believe it makes you bloated and fat.

So again....WHY would I try to be part of that? To fit in? To say that I can? Do I even like it?

No. I don't like it. I hate feeling out of control. I hate feeling anything other than amazing when I wake up. I love to wake up feeling light and bright and healthier than the day before, knowing with certainty I am doing everything I can do love this body I have with the ways that I eat and nourish myself.

It's the lure of it that I think is what called me and maybe you in. The instagram posts with the pretty food and the rose and the cocktails and all. The 'healthy' people who seem to have no issues with drinking alcohol and still look fit, thin even and healthy?

The thought that well if they can have some then I can too. FEAR of missing out. 

Well here's what I know. Your beliefs are powerful. POWERFUL POWERFUL. And I don't plan on changing my beliefs that ethanol is good for the body. So I have two choices. 

1. Drink it and feel horrible and then hate myself for it.

2. Not drink it be happy be healthy, love my life, my body and let my cells thrive.

What I desire MORE than a glass of white wine is to hear my intuition, my soul, my desires and to be healthy. To feel good. Happiness. Love. 

So love wins.

I win.

One drop is too much for me. 

I want to know, is there a THING? A food, a drink, a pattern of negative self talk that is SO TOXIC to your body but you are holding onto it anyway? 

Look at it, see it, ask yourself what it's really about and then decide what you want. Choose your health. Choose your happiness. Choose love.

Thanks for letting me share, I'd love to hear your comments.

xo,

Jodi